Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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