I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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