Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
