He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
