There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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