Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
