awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
