i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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