I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
