Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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