Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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