Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
