boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
