my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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