i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
