We named our party play list daddy issues
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
