can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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