I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
