if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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