At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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