I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
