chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
