I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
