I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
