One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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