The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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