I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
