Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
