just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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