I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
