She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
