The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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