I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
