He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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