So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
