Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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