So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can I color on your dick again?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
