K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
