Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
