I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
