Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
