i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
