I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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