evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
