Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.