i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!