Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.