so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.