So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...