So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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