im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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