Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My sheets look like a crime scene.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence