I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
