Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.