He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
