I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
