the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
