bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it hurts more in the daytime
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize