I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
