She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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