my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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