That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
