another moral hangover. fuck.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize