Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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