this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
