I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
