Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
