I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
