He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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