we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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