I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
