Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
