i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
