2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
