He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
