im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
